


Be With Me

by lovelorn_petrichor



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, F/F, Fights, Kissing in the Rain, Love, Modern Era, Sad with a Happy Ending, So much angst, confessions in the rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 06:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17934770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelorn_petrichor/pseuds/lovelorn_petrichor
Summary: I could make you happyI could make you love meI could disappear completely





	Be With Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is an angst piece I've been working on for a while, in which Allura moves to New York and falls in love with Pidge, only to have people from her old life in London appear in her new one. In this piece, Allura has applied to work at Oxford University- her father's alma mater- and didn't say a word of it to pidge, who finds out through an email notification. 
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy!

It was during a rainstorm- how cliche. Curled on the couch with Lance beside her, a soppy movie serving as background noise. It was sad and mushy and in all honesty, made Allura want to be sick, but they left it on anyway. It somehow made it easier to talk about the past few weeks.

"What do I do, Lance?" she asked, her knees pulled to her chest, ankles crossed. "They won't answer my calls, they won't read my texts- I try to talk to them and they disappear into the cafe kitchens! I- I don't know what I'm supposed to do,"

Her voice sounded so small, even to her own ears. Fitting, seeing as she felt as powerful as a pebble in a stormy sea.

Lance sighed, licking some cookie dough off his spoon. He swallowed it down and set the spoon back in the bowl. "Allura. Darling. The love of my life, and utter dipshit. Haven't you learnt anything  about our dear Pidgeon?"

She shot him a look. He ignored it. 

"Remember valentines week? When Pidge said they didn't get the whole sappy love crap?"

She nodded. "Pretty difficult to forget- I had an entire thing planned for months-"

"-and instead you sat inside and ate takeout. I know, Deborah, they told me all about it. Relentlessly, " Lance interrupted, ignoring the filthy glare Allura gave him. "The thing about Pidge is that they claim to hate love. PDA from anyone other than themselves is disgusting, and valentines is a poor excuse to exploit neurochemicals."

Allura rested her chin atop her knee, looking straight at her friend with an intent stare. She was absorbing every word like a goddamn sponge.

" Thing is, Pidge absolutely adores romantic gestures, but they have to be thoughtful. Flowers, but not roses, cause they make them sneeze. Chocolate, but in a milkshake because their stupid lactose intolerant ass has a death wish. See where I'm coming from?" 

Allura nodded. "Right. A romantic gesture. I can do that. Except its the middle of the goddamn night and everything's closed, and in case you haven't noticed  there's a massive fucking storm raging outside!"

"So?" Lance retorted. "Do it tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after  _that_ , I don't care when you do it, but you  _have_ _to try,_ Allura. Otherwise, time will pass and Pidge will move on, and you'll be miserable in London wishing you'd done something when you had the chance,"

She hummed, shifting her gaze from Lance to the TV screen. It was the emotional bit at the end where the dude spills all of his true feelings and it all ends well. Huh. It wasn't raining - it was usually always raining, or hailing, or snowing or something completely absurd in those types of movies.

Thunder clapped outside her window, and she realised- with a start- what she had to do.

Grabbing her hoodie from the back of the couch, Allura pulled on her shoes. They were soft canvas pumps that wouldn't last a minute outside - she found herself uncaring. Lance gave her a look that read 'What-the-fuck-are-you-doing', and she grinned.

"Grand romantic gesture, yeah?" she asked, stepping away from the couch and towards the door. "Can't get much better than confessing in the rain,"

Lance made several sounds of protest. One even sounded something like "Are you crazy?!"- but it was hard to tell through the cookie dough. 

Allura laughed, elated and almost hysterical, as she jogged out the door of her apartment. "Don't wait up!" she called over her shoulder, slamming the door behind her.

And maybe she was crazy. Maybe the most she'd get out of this was a broken heart and a head cold. But she had to try. She owed herself that much. Owed Pidge that much. They had to know the truth. 

 

Allura ran through the streets, sheets of rain pounding against her hoodie and soaking her in seconds. Had she been anything other than short of madness, she would most likely have thought about grabbing a waterproof jacket on her way out. But it didn't matter- not to her. What mattered was that Pidge heard what she had to say.

When she saw Pidge's building loom ever closer, Allura slowed to a stop. She could see one of their windows open and did the only thing she could think of. 

  
Screech at the top of her lungs, obviously.

"PIDGE! PIDGE CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

The golden glow of a lamp illuminated the previously dim room, and the pane of glass slid up. Anticipation built itself like a pyre in Allura's stomach and quickly dissipated when Hunk leaned out the window.

"Allura? What the hell are you doing? We're in the middle of a storm!" 

Despite her disappointment, she soldiered on. "I'm looking for Pidge! Are they home?" she asked, hoping the rain would hide the desperation in her voice.

Hunk shook his head slowly. "Sorry! they haven't been home all day. I think they said something about staying with Keith for a couple of days to work on a project?"

"Keith's, of course," she muttered to herself, mentally mapping out the fastest way to get to his and Shiro's apartment from where she was. "Okay! Thanks, Hunk! I'm gonna go and talk to them! Wish me luck!"

Hunk grinned at her, giving her an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Break a leg, 'Lura!"

She didn't need any more persuasion, and, with his kind wave, started running down the street, rounding the corner to head to Keith's place.

Her shoes squelched with wintry water each time they slapped against the tarmac. Her heart was pounding in her chest, exertion or anxiety she didn't know, but it kept her moving, and she reached Keith and Shiro's apartment block faster than she realised, almost dashing past it.

"HEY!" she hollered, "KEITH! YOU HOME?" Gasping breaths heaved themselves in and out of her lungs between her exclamations, and she nearly had to double over to catch her breath. "SHIRO?"

The window was already open, soft yellow-orange light spilling out onto the fire escape. She'd sat on that fire escape many a time, drinking awful beer with Keith and discussing anthropomorphism with Shiro.  
A familiar silhouette stepped out onto the escape, leaning over the railings to see Allura through the rain.

"Allura?!" Keith's voice called, alarm ringing in every syllable. "Are you out of your mind?! It's fucking pouring it down! You're gonna get sick! Come in, I'll buzz you up-"

"NO!" she cut him off, demanding his attention. "Is Pidge there? I need to talk to them!"

He looked uncomfortable, shifting on his feet. She could feel his hesitancy from three floors down. "Listen, Allura, I don't think they really want to see you right now, I-"

"Five minutes!" she interrupted. Again. "Please, Keith! Just tell them to give me five minutes. If they still want nothing to do with me after that, I'll leave them alone! I'll stay away and- and I'll find Shay in Manhattan, or- hell, I'll fly back to England if that's what they want! I just need five minutes to explain!"

Keith paused and then disappeared back into his apartment. He didn't return for a while, and Allura could hear angry hints of a conversation- most likely Pidge telling him where to stick it. She was about to start ringing the doorbell like a maniac when someone came out to stand on the fire escape. Keith again, maybe? They had the same stance. It was difficult to see- the rain was coming thicker and faster now.

"Five minutes."

Allura could have burst into tears right then and there. It had been weeks since Pidge had even looked at her- those two words were like music to her.

"Pidge! Pidge I'm so fucking sorry! I wasn't thinking when I applied for the job, okay? I mean- I was, but I didn't think I'd get it! I wanted to- to- fuck, I don't know! I wanted to see if I could get accepted- if I was good enough to teach at Oxford. I didn't think I was gonna get the job- and I wouldn't have taken it anyway! I have a life here, now. I have Keith and Lance and Shiro, and I have you! You wonderful fucking human being. It's - I just- everything that Lotor said: that I wouldn't ever be enough, that I was a disappointment to my family, it got to me! I didn't know what I was trying to achieve- I... I wanted to be worthy of the Altea name. My father was one of the greatest scholars in the world- that's a legacy I never thought I'd be able to fulfil. But I got accepted to teach at Oxford University, Pidge! I fucking did it!

" I'm sorry that I didn't tell you- I just didn't want to say something and then have to deal with disappointing you as well. It's one thing knowing I'm not good enough myself- but you? I couldn't handle not being good enough for you. I still can't handle it. And it was a shitty thing for me to do, and I'm so fucking sorry that you found out from an email notification, but Pidge- I don't want to lose you over a job I'm not even going to fucking take. I love you too much to even consider it.

" So I came here, I'm the middle of a storm- because that's what Nicholas Sparks would want me to do!" Allura let out a laugh- it was thick and watery and held an emotion she didn't know the name of, and it struck a chord somewhere inside her, an ache settling in her stomach. "Because you love romantic gestures, despite pretending otherwise. Because you love chocolate milkshakes and the smell of summer after it rains. So please-  if you can find it in yourself to- to - argh, I don't know! You don't have to forgive me. I just- I need you to know the whole story. To understand me! Please tell me you understand, Pidge. I can't bear the idea that you hate me for a mistake that isn't even going to happen."

Pidge was silent, mind chewing over Allura's words again and again. They couldn't find the right words to explain themselves- to do their feelings justice. All that they could think to say was cold and dismissive, and it tumbled out of their mouth before they could even think to stop it:

"Go home, Allura. Time's up."

They turned away and stepped back inside the apartment, closing the window behind themselves with a crushing finality.

Allura felt herself deflate, the adrenalin from mere seconds ago falling flat. What was she expecting? That it would go so perfectly well that Pidge would run down in their socks to kiss her in the pouring rain? 

It was grand. It was romantic. And it was a gesture. But sometimes a gesture isn't enough to bridge over a rift. Sometimes the hero doesn't win, and Ryan Gosling doesn't get his girl. 

Too exhausted to trudge back to her apartment, she sunk to the floor. The soaked earthen ground bled through her thick leggings, numbing her skin. She curled into herself, propped against the wall, her knees to her chest, face in her hands. Sobs tore through her, clawing at the back of her throat and tugging at her ribs. She had nothing. No wallet, no phone, no Pidge, and nowhere to go. 

So she sat there, makeup streaming down her face, rain pelting her skin from under the concrete canopy that sheltered the lobby entrance. Her clothes clung to her skin, drawing warmth from her and chilling her to the bone. And still, she remained. Hoping that someone would pass her by, call her inside. That Pidge would walk out into Storm Freya, and hold an umbrella over the two of them. 

But that didn't happen. And Allura didn't move. 

* * *

 

Pidge felt painfully hollow- so empty that they could fall over at the slightest knock. They turned away from the window to find Keith stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall with a sad look on his face.

He held his arms out in a wide gesture and beckoned Pidge towards him. They collapsed against him, hot salty tears burning at their winter-bitten cheeks. Loud, coughing sobs tore from their chest, scratching at their throat and tearing at the walls of their lungs. They hurt all over- heart, chest, stomach, skin- each and every fraction of themselves longing to see Allura- hold her and tell her all was forgiven. Their mind wouldn't co-operate.  They shuddered with every sob and pounded a fist against Keith's chest.

"I'm such a fucking idiot! She just bared her soul to me in the middle of the pouring rain like we're in a goddamn Nicholas Sparks movie and I shut her out- again! What's fucking wrong with me?!"

Keith sighed softly, stroking a hand over Pidge's short, choppy hair. They had cut their hair in a state of complete tears and dyed the jagged strands bright green, leaving them with something between punk and birds nest. It worked for them, somehow.

"You know," Keith started, speaking so softly he was almost whispering. "She's still out there. She's still in the pouring rain, hoping that you'll come back to the window. And I can guarantee you that she'll wait out there until the rain stops- until she can't feel her arms or you leave the building and go talk to her. I've known Allura for years- she doesn't quit that easily. She'd rather risk hypothermia than risk losing you."

Pidge leaned back, wiping at their eyes with a hasty sleeve. They sniffed. "She's really still out there?"

Keith nodded. "Yeah. And I'm betting that she's in last week's yoga pants and a hoodie. And that they're fucking _plastered_ to her,"

Pidge laughed: a wet, bubbling surprise. "God she's such a fucking idiot,"

He nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Now come on. You're in no state to talk to her tonight. I'll call Lance and have him take Allura home, and then tomorrow, you're going to see her and you're going to talk about your issues like an adult, you understand me?"

 

Pidge nodded, hugging Keith tightly once more. "Thank you," they whispered, squeezing his midriff in a rib-crushing hold.

He wheezed, patting Pidge's back somewhat awkwardly, before pushing them away from him as gently as he could manage. 

"Uh huh. Now you need to sleep. I'll set the couch up for you," 

 

* * *

 

 

Pidge flitted somewhere between sleep and consciousness, mind just about registering a one-sided conversation. 

 _"Lance, I need a favour... no, they're fine, but it didn't go well... she's outside, and won't come out of the rain... I don't know, Lance, maybe she's just a dumbass, but I need you to come and pick her up... I can't drop her back, Shiro's got the car and I am_ not _taking her on the bike... no, I just don't want her to get in an accident and die because I was riding in a fucking_ thunderstorm _and one of us wasn't wearing a helmet... okay... thanks, Lance. I'll talk to you tomorrow... yeah, I will... okay, bye,"_

The conversation ended there, and Pidge gave up on trying to listen to anything else, letting the sweet release of sleep pull them under. 

Although asleep for hours, their peace didn't last long. Images of Allura getting on a plane, starting a new life with someone new, and teaching kids in a country far away filled their head. Moving on. Living, loving, all without them. It was a film reel of someone else's memories, and it made them feel sick. They called out, reaching a hand for Allura to take, but she doesn't choose them. She walked away with somebody faceless, and there was nothing Pidge could do to stop it. Except-

They sat up with a heaving breath, the smell of cooking grease filling their nose. It made them feel sick, their stomach rumbling traitorously. 

"Ugh, fuck," they groaned, pushing themselves up into a sitting position. They ran a small hand through their bird's nest hair, wincing when the rings around their fingers snagged in the tangled curls. "Lord help me," 

A snort came from the doorway, and there stood Keith, two plates in his hands. "He's not gonna save you now." 

Pidge sent him a scowl.

"You've gotta face the music some time, Gunderson. Preferably sometime today. Considering how Allura poured her heart out to you and you told her that her 'time was up'." 

Pidge could have killed him with a single, broken look. "Don't have to remind me that I'm a fuck-up, Kogane,"

He immediately softened. 

"Hey," Keith started, setting Pidge's breakfast down on the coffee table with a quiet 'clack' of ceramic, "You're not a fuck-up. So you made a couple of mistakes and you got in an argument. What does that change? People fight, Pidge. I told Shiro I'd rather get my leg amputated with no anaesthetic than live with him once. I ran away to Matt's, convinced I had just ruined everything. Do you know what Shiro did? He picked my dumb ass up, calmed me the fuck down, and we fixed the problem. There's nothing so bad that we can't fix it, okay?"

Pidge nodded, eyes unwavering from their lap. They glanced out the window, only to find it was still raining. They jolted to their feet, panic suddenly rising. "Allura- she- is she still out there?! Keith, what if-" 

"-Woah woah woah, calm it. I called Lance last night, and he picked her up. She's at his place right now, resting somewhere warm, don't worry," 

Pidge let out a shuddery sigh, visibly deflating. "Thank God she's okay. I don't... I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if something awful had happened to her because of me," 

Keith took in a breath, before getting up to face Pidge. "Go get dressed. I'll call you an uber or something to take you to Lance's," he muttered, carrying the plates- still untouched- back into the kitchen and placing them in the oven. He could reheat them later.

"Oh, no- it's okay, I can -" 

"-Don't you dare say walk-" 

"-Walk." 

Keith shook his head, leaning against the kitchen doorway. He crossed his arms in the same stubborn way Shiro's were when he was giving a lecture. "You're not walking. It's chucking it down and you'll get yourself sick," 

"I'll wear a raincoat!" Pidge argued, clearly unimpressed. "Keith, I'm not a child. I can walk places by myself- I have been since I was 9. A little rain never hurt anyone," 

He scoffed. "Uh, yes it did, that's how people discovered the existence of hypothermia, Pidge,"

"Oh my fucking god-" they started, groaning under their breath, "Keith. I need the time to think. She poured her soul out to me in the middle of a storm- I can't just give her a half-assed apology. So I'm gonna walk. I'll wear a raincoat and take an umbrella and hell, I'll even wear welly-boots if you really want me to, but I'm walking, and that's final," 

Keith sighed. "I'd feel better if you took a taxi or something..."

" _Keith,_ " Pidge warned, eyebrows raised. "Think very carefully about what you're about to say,"

"Fine. Wear a coat and take an umbrella- _and_  brush your teeth first. Your breath stinks, dude," 

Pidge grinned. "Deal" 

* * *

 

 Lance was sat at the kitchen island when he heard a knock at the door. He half expected it to be Keith or Shiro, or maybe even Hunk (he did say that he was bringing Lance's Princess Diaries box set back), but when he opened the door to find Pidge, dripping from the tip of their umbrella and totally swamped in Shiro's parka, he was a little more than surprised. 

"Pidgeon! Hey! What brings you here?" 

They gave him a flat, defeated look. "You know why I'm here. And I can feel you judging me in your head, but I just want to talk to Allura. I need to make this right," 

Lance's lips quirked into a small sad smile, and he stepped to one side, inviting Pidge inside. 

"She's resting right now- but I'll need to reheat her warm compress soon, so you can talk to her when she's awake," 

Stepping inside, Pidge placed their umbrella on the radiator in Lance's hallway, hanging their coat on the hatstand near the entrance. "Thanks," they said quietly, kicking off their shoes by the doorway- they didn't want to track mud through Lance's annoyingly white apartment. 

"Of course," Lance dismissed lightly, heading towards the kitchen. "I was just about to make coffee- you want anything? Coffee, cocoa- oh! I got some more of that English Breakfast tea you like if you want some," 

Pidge grinned. "You know me so well," they responded cheerfully-and for the first time for almost two weeks, they actually felt a little lighter. They were going to make this right. 

Lance turned on the stove, heating some water in a kettle. He had two mugs on the side, both with teabags sat in them, waiting to be used. "I'm liking the green, by the way." 

Pidge looked baffled for all of two seconds before Lance pointed to their hair. "Oh! Oh, thanks- I um- Keith helped me do it. Well, he helped me dye it. I cut it," 

Lance huffed a laugh out through his nose, pouring water out of the kettle when it started to whistle. "Stress or rebellion?" 

"Oh, definitely stress. I've got myself booked in for a piercing session at Shay's parlour this weekend it's gotten that bad," 

He gasped, hand flying to his chest. "How _dare_ you poke holes in your ears without me? I thought we were friends, Pidge. This- this is a betrayal worse than the time Keith ate my tiramisu." He made a look of mock offence, stirring in milk to the tea and handing a mug over the kitchen island to Pidge, who had perched themselves on a barstool a few moments ago. "Consider this friendship terminated, _Wench_ ," 

Taking a sip of his tea, Lance glanced at the clock in his kitchen, moving with a start. "Oh. I've gotta go check in on Allura, I'll be back in a minute," 

The way he said 'check in on' made Pidge uneasy. How bad was she after staying out in the rain all last night? Pidge wasn't stupid- they knew she'd at least be mildly hypothermic, but it hadn't quite sunk in yet that she was like that because of them. 

Lance returned a few minutes later with a wheat heater that he placed in the microwave. He leant against the counter, fiddling with his fingernails as the heater warmed up again. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Pidge. 

"She's awake but kinda groggy. I'll put the compress on her shoulders and then tell her you're here. She'll be happy to see you," 

Pidge nodded wordlessly, staring down into their cup and resenting the tea-stained reflection they got in return. They took a long swig from their mug, ignoring the slight burn at the corners of their lips and on the tip of their tongue. It didn't hurt nearly as bad as shutting Allura out for the past two weeks. 

The microwave _'ding'_ -ed, making Pidge jump, and Lance pulled out the wheat bag, shaking it out a little to cool it enough for Allura's skin. He took in a deep breath, releasing through his teeth with a whistling sound. 

"Come on then. Before she falls asleep again," 

Lance padded into the spare room, Pidge following behind, their head bowed. He opened the door, light from the living room spilling into an otherwise dark room. The air smelt stale, like the windows hadn't been opened for a few hours, and in the centre of the room, Pidge could just make out the shape of someone huddled under a thick duvet. 

"Hey 'Lura. I've got your compress. And someone's here to see you," 

A muffled voice made its way out and over the top of the heavy bedding, and Pidge struggled to make out the words. 

_"If it's shay, tell her that banana bread was not necessary and she needn't worry about me- I'm fine,"_

Lance chuckled. "No, it's not shay," 

Stepping inside, Lance lifted the duvet away from Allura's shoulders, placing the compress there with gentle pressure. He poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the bedside table, and put a straw in it, leaving it there for later use, Pidge assumed. 

"There. Stay hydrated, and I'll be back in a couple of hours to check up on you. I've gotta run a couple of errands though- we're missing a couple of ingredients for Mama McClain's Fixer Elixir soup. Don't die while I'm out, or Keith will never forgive me, yeah?" 

A shuffling of bedding told Pidge that Allura was nodding. "Okay." He turned to Pidge with a soft smile. "She's all yours," 

And with that, he left the room, pulling the door to behind him. 

 

Pidge took in a breath, stepping away from the door and towards the bed where Allura was laying. They reached the side of the mattress, pulling the reading chair across from the corner of the room to sit in it. "Hey, Allura,"

Allura, obviously jarred by Pidge's presence, quickly twisted her head to look dead at them. Her mascara was in streaks down her face and neck, and her hair was pulled into a matted, tangled ponytail. Heavy bags resided under her eyes like she hadn't slept for a week, and Pidge wasn't quite ready to blame her smudged makeup for that.

"Pidge." It wasn't a question. "What are you doing here?" That was. 

"Well," Pidge started, pulling their legs up to sit criss-cross on the wide loveseat-esque chair, "When someone shows up at your window in the middle of a rainstorm to confess their true feelings like in some cheesy rom-com, only to get hypothermia from being stupid and not wearing a coat, it's common social etiquette to make sure they don't die in their sleep,"

Allura chuckled weakly, nodding in a small form of defeat. "Yeah, I guess so," 

Pidge shuffled in their seat, itching to hold Allura close. They fell into a suffocating silence- Pidge hated it but didn't quite know how to break it. 

"Is that the only reason you're here?" 

Ah, that'll do it. 

Pidge took in a weighted breath. "Uh, no. No, it's not. When someone pours their heart out to you in the middle of a storm, you usually don't just shut them out. You don't brush them off and leave them standing in the rain. And I did. And I hate myself for it because I want to be the kind of person that gets the whole story before they react, and I want to be the kind of person that goes out into the rain to fix things with someone they adore, but I'm not. I'm short tempered and a stupid hothead, and I don't think before I speak. Hell, I spent the entire walk over here thinking about what I would say to you, and I'm _still_ stumbling over myself because I'm shit at talking about my feelings,"

A small laugh bubbled out of Allura at that, and she nodded. "You are pretty shit at that," 

"I am! I'm totally shit at it, but since we've already had a balcony scene, and you're too sick to stand out on the fire escape while I serenade you in a miserable drizzle, it's probably best if I figure out how to. So... here goe's nothing, I guess." 

A deep breath in, and a bated exhalation.

"Allura Altea. You are... the dumbest genius I've ever met. You can speak four languages, and you graduated from medical school a year early, and- and despite all this- despite knowing exactly what standing in the rain for half an hour would do to your health- you ran out in a fucking thunderstorm to tell me your reasoning behind a job application. I mean- who the fuck does that?

"You. You do that. Because you care far too much for your own good, and you're sweet, and you're kind to everyone, and you're so many qualities and talents and weird English quirks all wrapped into this... this... " Pidge waved their hand around, trying to find the right word. "This explosion of humanity and humility. And you leave me awestruck every. Single. Time. And when I fell for you, I fucking scared myself shitless. You're this amazing, ethereal being that somehow made it in New York without becoming cold and miserable, and I could have only dreamt of you loving me back. And then you did. And it was like... It was like fireworks, but a thousand times stronger. Like the pause of breath before a star explodes, or the static you feel before a storm.

"And then it felt like it was getting ripped away. That email had the power to take the most amazing person in the world away from me- and I know how selfish that sounds- Believe me, I can hear myself, and I sound like a major dick right now- but you were the only person I've ever met with such a... a new way of looking at life. And it was like you turned on a light. Suddenly everything was new and exciting again. Life wasn't so exhausting, and I was excited about getting up again because I got to see you fawn over new book recommendations and cringe at the bitterness of the black coffee you always ordered at the cafe.

"I was an ass about Oxford. You told me it was just to test yourself- you told me so many times, and all I could see was how it could take you away from me. I'm selfish, Allura. And I'm trying not to be, but you've got to give me time. I moved out at sixteen and had to fight tooth and nail for whatever I could get. That sort of mentality, holding it for so long changes the way you see things. And I'm not making excuses. I should have listened to you, and I should have let you in, and I should have gone out into the rain and hold you close and tell you it was all okay, but I didn't. All I can do now is hope that I'm not too late to do right by you."

A stifled sob made its way over the duvet, and Pidge looked up from where they were fiddling with their hands to see Allura with red eyes, wiping at her nose with her sleeve.

"Fuck." She said eloquently, smiling wetly at Pidge with a gaze full of emotions they couldn't quite put their finger on. "I don't know how I'm crying- I'm dehydrated as shit." 

Pidge chuckled, a wet smile gracing their features. They reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the glass of water, helping Allura sit up and take a long sip. She drank gratefully, nailing half the glass with ease before leaning away. Pidge went to help her lay back down, when she grabbed their arm, giving them a pleading look. 

" _Please_ ," she whispered. "Don't sit so far away. You don't have to distance yourself anymore," 

Pidge nodded, shrugging off their hoodie and leaving it on the loveseat. Flecks of green dye were still present on their arms and hands, and Allura raised her eyebrows. "Stress or rebellion?" 

Pidge laughed, settling in behind Allura so that she could lean back against their chest, head against their shoulder. "Funny. Lance asked the same thing," 

"And?" Allura asked again, gently nudging Pidge in the ribs with a pointy elbow, "Which one was it?" 

They adopted a deadpan expression. "Shay already told you about the booking, didn't she?" 

"... Maybe," 

Pidge sighed. "It wasn't out of stress. But it wasn't rebellion either. It was... t was out of hatred for the person I was. I shut you out, Allura, when I needed you- and when you needed me- most. And I just- I wanted to be a different person to the one that was so cold and hurtful and angry. So I changed it up. I was also considering a tattoo, but after Keith's cover-up horror stories, I knew better," 

"Mhm," Allura hummed, nodding once, twice, "Yeah, those stories are nasty. You get like a-" 

"-pain in your lower back?"  

Allura snapped her fingers. "Exactly!" 

The two fell into a peal of quiet laughter, breathy chuckles shared in the small space between them. Allura could feel Pidge's breath tickle the back of her neck, and a smile made its way across her features. 

Her hands found Pidge's, tangling their fingers together with a gentle squeeze. 

Their laughter slowly died out, but the silence wasn't deafening anymore. 

"Pidge?" she asked, turning her head so that her cheek rested against their collarbone. 

"Mm?" 

"I'm sorry," 

Pidge sighed, their chest rising and falling with the action. "Don't be. I was an ass about Oxford, really it should be me apologising," 

"Don't you dare," Allura scolded, but her voice held no bite. 

Pidge smiled, pressing a kiss to Allura's hairline. "Call it even?" 

"Sure," she murmured, tilting her head up to place a butterfly kiss to Pidge's jaw. Freeing one hand, she laid it carefully against the pale skin of Pidge's cheek, turning their head to plant a soft, slow kiss to their lips. Their other hands - still intertwined- held fast, holding each other tightly. 

Allura had worried briefly that she was hurting them- she was known for having a strong grip- but the thought was dismissed the second Pidge's lips met hers.

 

And maybe she was holding a little too tight

Maybe she was scared to let them go.

But that was okay.

Because they were too. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
